I often try to find the right word or phrase to describe how I feel about my asthma. I often come up with many, most of which would need to to censored. One word however springs to mind on a regular basis, that word is FRUSTRATED.
Frustrated that one day I can be living a normal life, going to work, watching football, socialising etc, the next I can be struggling to breathe and end up laying in a hospital bed for weeks on end.
Frustrated that it is a nightmare to make plans, whether it be planning a holiday, booking tickets for an event, I used to be an organized person who would always plan ahead, now I am the guy who fails to turn up at parties or weddings because of those blasted lungs of mine.
Frustrated that my asthma is complicated and not your average run of the mill asthma where I start wheezing and need a couple of puffs on a little blue inhaler, Frustrated that it isn’t that straight forward and having to explain it all the time, whether it be to family, friends, workmates, paramedics, doctors or nurses.
Frustrated that I can’t do what I want to do or used to be able to do, I have to understand my limits.
Frustrated at the amount of time off work that I need due to sickness and for appointments, Frustrated at having to battle to keep my job due to my absence record, Frustrated at the damage done to my career and the the financial implications that my absence has caused.
Frustrated that every tablet I take seems to cause a different problem which results in further medication needed, I’m looking at you here prednisolone. I know that I was never the body double of Anthony Joshua before hitting the steroids but now I’m more like Mr Blobby!
Frustrated at the impact that asthma has on my family. My wife works all day then comes home and has to put up with my health problems, my mood swings or she will be coming home visit me every night when I am in hospital. My parents are both in their 70s and live over 60 miles from me, yet despite me insisting that they don’t need to, they feel that they should and indeed do visit me regularly when I am unwell. Possibly the worst moment of my life was while in hospital I suffered another bad asthma attack in front my wife and parents, I was struggling to breathe and I remember the nurses leading my family away in floods of tears as the doctors tried to stabilise. Seeing them that upset really hit me hard.