Getting Back to Work with Jeremy Kyle!

Many of us have been there, we have had a bad asthma attack and we end up getting captured, we have spent weeks held captive, we haven’t slept, the food is terrible and we are high on drugs, we all have one target, that end goal which keeps us all going, the escape, the freedom, the joys of sleeping in our own beds, getting up when we want, eating what we want and been able to have a decent bath or shower. That’s the expectation at least but I don’t know if I am alone in this but the reality of escaping and having that freedom rarely goes as planned.


I usually think that the period following my escape goes something like a Jeremy Kyle show, let me explain:


Part 1: Introducing the guest and setting the scene: That moment when I walk through the front door for the first time in weeks, the wife will usually be fussing around, telling me to sit down and take things easy. Still getting told what to do! I am still usually on quite a high volume of nebs and preds so I am still usually a bit high on the drugs. I go to bed because I am shattered but surprise, surprise I still can’t sleep.  Psychologically I feel a little bit better, my breathing for some reason seems better and so despite been in somewhat of a daze I am full of positivity that I am well on my way to returning to normal life. What was it the consultant said to me in hospital, “it will take weeks to fully recovery, take things easy and don’t do any thing stupid!” What does she know, I will be bs k at work within a week or two. This usually goes on for a day or two then all of a sudden I seem to hit a brick wall.

Part 2: The 2nd Guest is introduced (the cheating partner)  This usually starts on the 2nd or 3rd day out of the hospital, the asthma for some reason is fighting back, the nebs aren’t working the same, all of a sudden what seemed straight forward in part 1 isn’t quite as obvious in part 2. Now all of a sudden I actually feel like I are re-flaring and might need to go back into the hospital. This is maybe due the adrenaline and positivity which carried me through the escape, this was possibly masking how I really was add to this that I will probably be trying to reduce my meds. Come on Jeremy sort this out, should I still be in hospital, what is going on?

Part 3: The Other Woman is now on stage giving their views: It is starting to get complicated now, what seemed very clear in the first part is now very complicated. I am still sleep deprived, unable to breathe and body physically and mentally mangled, the steroids are scrambling my brain, I’ve still not left the house. Feelings of boredom, guilt, blame and depression rear their ugly heads. I can’t turn your brain off. My body is rebelling too; I feel bloated, my muscles are cramping and I want to eat everything in sight. All the food and prednisolone is causing havoc with my blood sugar levels. I am hyperglycaemic, I feel terrible.


Part 4: The Best Friend comes on: This phase is usually around a week or 2 after getting home. Suddenly I am feeling better. Virtually overnight, mentally and physically I feel much better. I start leaving the house, I am more confident, I think about trying to get back to work. I have my appointment with occupational health. There is hope!

Part 5: The Results of The Lie Detector Test: The visit with occupational health went well (hopefully), they set up a phased return to work. I am feeling pretty good, I am leaving the house, I have reduced my nebs significantly. Who knows I might even get to a football match at the weekend!



Part 6: The Counselling Sessions: Thanks for all of your help Jeremy, I just need that last little bit of help now to get over everything. I am holding up, I have began my phased return to work and I am trying to get my life back to normal and put the last couple of months behind me. Now who do Scunthorpe play this weekend?


Unfortunately this episode is likely to be repeated on ITV2 later in the year!

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