Day 11 of this current capture was one of my hardest so far. I basically felt as though I had hit rock bottom and couldn’t see where things were going to improve. I couldn’t see anything positive, I couldn’t see how things were going to improve both short term and long term and I certainly wasn’t looking forward to day 12.
I actually managed a couple of hours sleep with the help of my new best friend, my CPAP machine.
Unfortunately though my chest went bang at 5am this morning and the nurses sent for the doctor for the 4th day running. I wouldn’t actually class the episode this morning as an actual attack, more of a flare up or as we now call them, aftershocks (I always have lots of attacks and flare ups following a major attack, similar to aftershocks following an earthquake). It still took a lot out of me and I wasn’t great for a good hour or two. Eventually though we gained some control and I spent the next few hours recovering on my bed.
My consultant then came to see me and following a lengthy chat she managed to convince me that we were making some headway. Looking back at previous admissions they always follow a similar pattern which includes me hitting rock bottom before starting to bounce back but suffering these aftershocks along the way. My sats were pretty low last week but are now all over the place, again this is something that usually happens to me as I finally start to get some more air movement in my right hand side.
It is not easy to describe what is happening to me or how it feels (but with apologies to Asthma experts as parts of this aren’t medically correct etc but I’m trying to make it easier to understand for somebody who has never gone through it), so imagine the pain / tightness on my chest as the air tries to move and my airways try to allow it to pass for the first time in ages after they basically closed up. The pressure and tightness on my chest is agony as I try to force every half breath, is painful and hard work. The airways are still so tight and resistant, and I understand it when some asthmatics describe it as trying to drink thick custard or treacle through a straw. I am usually given painkillers to ease the pain and loosen the muscles, back to back nebs and oxygen, my heart and pulse race, my blood pressure rockets as I struggle to cope and the longer it goes on the more tired and weaker I become. Occasionally I will cough and splutter, I even have some audible wheeze as small quantities of air move. I am told that I go some funny shades and have some interesting facial expressions, add to that that I am also usually trying to listen to and breathe in time to some music.
It may sound strange, it is not exactly accurate but I believe this description to help depict what happens.
The intentions are that I will be provided with a CPAP for home use as it does appear to be helping. If things go to plan, and obviously there are a lot of things that need to happen (and in some cases not happen) then who knows, this time next week there maybe light at the end of the tunnel.
Overall a slightly more positive day (even if aren’t particularly feeling any better). I am still shattered, the food is still terrible but…….
Thanks for reading and apologies at my poor attempt at describing things and the scary pictures of me!