1. “Aren’t you worried about all the meds you’re on?”
Not if it means I can breathe, no! or Yes, but the alternative is dying!
2. “You should try xxx inhaler, that’s what I use.”
I already have.
3. “I have the flu but I still came to work / school / college..”
Yes, and I hate you because of it!
4. “Just calm down and focus on your breathing.”
5. “Ughhhhh I have this cold I’m so ill I’m literally Dying…”
a) no you aren’t. b) no you aren’t, and c) no you aren’t.
6. “I only need a blue inhaler…”
Well, lucky you!
7. “But you look fine to me.”
Wow, you have such fantastic powers of observation!!!
8. “Have you tried……….”
9. “But xxx won an Olympic Gold and he / she has asthma”
Well whoopy do!!
10. “Oh, it’s just asthma.”
Bangs head against wall repeatedly
11 “Just breathe normally.”
Oh well sorry, why didn’t I think of that?
12. “You’re brittle and we need to be extra-careful with you but we don’t know what else to do.”
Oh, how helpful. You’ve really instilled confidence with that little gem.
13. “Asthma can be very severe, you know!”
Yes, I know, I have to live with it…
14. “Oh stop milking it.”
Milk..? Ooh now I’m thirsty!
15. “I can’t hear a wheeze so things can’t be too bad!”
Sure, I’ll just tell my lungs that they’re wide, wide open instead of so closed up that air can’t actually move in or out to make a wheeze.
16 “Your chest is clear, that’s a good sign!”
Sure, so that must be why I feel so well and have a peak flow that is 38% of my best!
17. “Oh but it’s just like, a cough right?”
Oh how I wish that were true.
18. “At least you can’t die from it.”
…I’m just going to let the ignorance dissipate throughout the room while I strangle you.
19. “Right, now, with me; iiiiin…ouuuuut…iiiin…”
20. “Ew stop coughing on me!”
Hey guess what, last time I checked asthma wasn’t contagious. I mean, if you still want to believe it is, then by all means you can have my asthma, because I sure as hell don’t want it!
21. “Have you taken your inhaler?”
Silly me, why didn’t I think of that?
22. “Are you sure that it is asthma and not just a panic attack?”
Really?????? I want to kill you right now!!!!!
23. “You need to lose weight / You are getting fat / You are unfit!”
Well I suggest that you take 60mg of Prednisolone every day and see how much weight that you lose!!!!!
24. “Don’t panic!”
No, I won’t panic even though I can’t breathe and you are annoying the hell out of me!!!!!
25. “Do you want a cup of tea?”
Of course, tea cures every bloody thing!!!
26. “Do you smoke?”
About 50 a bleeding day, if I could!!!!!!
27. “What does it feel like?”
Absolutely wonderful, you should try it sometime!!!!!
28. “I’ve heard that swimming helps”
But not as much as a shed load of Ventolin!!!
29. “Is this normal for you?”
What the hell is normal and does it involve turning blue?
30. “What caused it?”
I’m not sure but it may have something to do with all of the stupid questions and comments that you have come up with!!!!