After suffering with asthma for 30 years, dozens of hospital admissions and what seems like hundreds of different types of medication it would appear that my asthma has finally defeated me. Last week I finally had my long awaited appointment with my respiratory consultant and I was told that in her opinion my asthma has deteriorated and is now ‘more brittle and severe’ than ever. She also told me that there is currently nothing else for me to try as I am either on everything or have tried it previously. I know for a fact that this is not technically correct and that there are still other treatments out there which I have not tried, however my consultant believes that none of these would help me. I queried with her as to how she thought my Xolair treatment was going as I am confused as to the benefits of it, the positives are that since I started on it I have had less hospital admissions and time off sick. The negatives are that I always feel worse, everyday is beginning to be a struggle and it is all getting me down. The consultant told me that in her opinion my asthma has detiorated quite a lot and the Xolair is doing an excellent job in giving me some (small) level of control and is basically keeping me out of hospital. Therefore the Xolair will continue and as things stand it would appear that there is little chance of any improvement (at least in the short term). I was told that I do a very good job of controlling my asthma and that I am knowledgable of my condition, nice words but they offer little comfort.
So here I am in my mid forties, taking over 20 tablets, 3 inhalers, nasal sprays, nebulisers, and 2 injections every day in addition to my monthly Xolair injection and a current daily dose of 30mgs of prednisolone to try and control both my asthma and to also control the side effects of my asthma medication. I am over weight, I rarely sleep, I am always lethargic, I regularly have black eyes and my moods are becoming a concern (at least I recognise the fact). I have little social life (compared to what I used to have and would still like to have) and any trips, holidays and travel takes so much planning.
I am really beginning to think that I will never regain any type of control over my asthma and even though I may not be defeated just yet I do feel that my asthma is building up an (un)healthy lead.
I worry how long I maybe able to continue to work for, my employer (though currently appearing to be supportive) have previously raised disciplinary proceedings against me due to absences because of my asthma. Even if my employer doesn’t decide to terminate my employment it maybe that eventually I will feel that I am unable to continue in full time employment.
For now though I am taking things day by day and will see how things go, I will continue with my Xolair injections and I hope that with a little bit of help and luck with things such as weather and viruses etc that I can get by.
Categories: My Asthma