What’s the point?

I know that the daily struggle of trying to breathe really gets to me from time to time. The constant feeling of exhaustion, the lack of sleep, the ongoing chest tightness and always feeling short of breath. From time to time it gets me down, my life isn’t what it once was, my social life is only a fraction of what it used to be, I struggle to enjoy the things that I used to enjoy doing, things like watching football and weekends away at the boxing. 

I understand the impact that my health (and moods) have on those around me, my wife, family, friends and workmates, I often find myself worrying more about how my health impacts on their lives rather than what it does on my own.  Even though I find myself feeling down about my asthma it is the impact on others which gets to me and upsets me even more. I have just returned from a short break away at a family wedding, my health once again interrupted our enjoyment, the same thing happened on my recent holiday which resulted in me spending more time on my nebuliser in my room than what I did sunbathing or enjoying myself. A few weeks prior to that a weekend at the inlaws was spoilt by me health. I have already missed football matches this season as a result of my asthma, I have had a couple of spells off sick at work because of my chest. I have another holiday due in a few weeks time, part of me is looking forward to it but part of me is dreading it. All of this is getting to me despite the fact that I have now gone 8 months without an hospital admission, I’m not sure how I would feel if I was spending more time in hospital, the problem though is that winter is coming which will almost certainly result in more hospital admissions.

My life (and that of so many people close to me) revolves around my asthma, I am fed up of been the miserable sod who can’t (or in some people’s eyes won’t) go out for a drink, a meal or a party.  I am pretty sensible, I try to do what my consultant tells me to do, I take my medication and I listen to what my body tells me. The problem is though that nothing helps, nothing changes, so the question is, what’s the point?

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