Day 11 of this admission has been a real roller coaster. I ended day 10 feeling a little bit down but also feeling that we had reached a turning point with my asthma (and diabetes), the hope was that better things were on the way. During day 10 I even managed to update the blog and hold down a few conversations with mates on social media. However I had a bad night and my breathing had started to deteriorate throughout Saturday pm but I wasn’t quite prepared for what was to happen overnight.
A none too flattering video of me in the early hours of Sunday morning
Despite using the CPAP I couldn’t get to sleep and my breathing became shallower throughout the early hours of Sunday morning, my chest was getting tighter and despite removing my CPAP mask to enable me to take my 2 hourly nebs and painkillers things continued to get worse. By 5am I was in a lot of pain, my chest felt as tight as it has done in a long time. The painkillers and the nebs were not helping at all, my sats were all over the place, my heart was racing, as was my pulse, my blood pressure was through the roof and my SP02 was plummeting. The nursing staff quickly called for a doctor as I was beginning to struggle to communicate with them and I seemed to be deteriorating rapidly. I was given additional IV painkillers and hydrocortisone.
Eventually I did respond and began to stabilise but there were still concerns about my sats and there was talk about transferring me Intensive Care or High Deprndency. Finally though my sats improved and it was decided to keep me where I was. This latest attack though took it out of me pretty badly. My energy and resistance are at zero. I then spent the next few hours up until Sunday lunchtime dozing on and off. By the time that I came round I was feeling a bit better and even though my lunch was again disappointing (Irish Stew – though it actually nearly looked edible) I did manage to eat some of it.
The rest of the afternoon was spent lazing on my bed recovering from the attack and my sats continued to improve steadily and one stage my peak flow reached its highest level for 10 days (though they have dropped back again now). In general though I have laid on my bed most of the day feeling sorry for myself. Self pitty is not something that I like in anybody, especially in myself. Unfortunately though every now and again I just can’t help it and I can’t snap out of it. Whether I stay this way for hours or days I don’t know but I will snap out of it. I don’t want anybody else’s pitty either, I don’t write these words wanting people to feel sorry for me, I just needed to get things off my chest about how I feel.
The last 2 attacks (Friday and the one in the early hours this morning) scared me, my previous attacks over the years have never particularly worried or upset me during the lead up to them or even during the attack itself. I alway just did my thing, tried to stay calm and concentrate on my breathing, all of which I have managed to do successfully. Don’t get me wrong I don’t feel as though I have lost control during these last two attacks but I have found it more difficult and definitely more upsetting, especially after the invent.
My health is getting me down, as is the food in here, I am missing spending (quality) time with my family and friends, missing work, football and a social life (in fact a life in general).
Hopefully just putting these words into print and reading them back to myself might just help me snap out of it. I am not strong enough physically to fight my asthma so I desperately need to be strong enough mentally to at least carry on the battle.
Thanks for reading and sorry for the sob story!